How can I "ADAPT" with being gay? Coming out officially.?

I am an 18 yea old male. Going to art college in the fall. A new chapter in my life is about to unfold. I want to issue to the LGBT community an apology. For my acts of homophobia and hatred towards myself from age 14-18, I was actually developing same sex interest at age 11. But I let anti gay propaganda get to me later on. I know I am not fully gay. But im not fully straight either. I don't know what I am yet. But I am willing to find out and explore myself with no fear. I will admit having many female crushes but as of my current years I have been mainly homosexual for 7 months. I don't know if my gay side has taken over fully or what ever. But all I want is to be free from worry and fear of abandonment from my loved ones. What can I do, once I come out thats it, its finished there is no going back. So what can I do to like having homosexual feelings? I don't know who my lover will be in the future. female or male I need to be brave like you guys. I never thought i would be gay, but I guess i have to face reality.