I am thinking about coming out?

I am an 18 yea old male. Going to art college in the fall. A new chapter in my life is about to unfold. I want to issue to the LGBT community an apology. For my acts of homophobia and hatred towards myself from age 14-18, I was actually developing same sex interest at age 11. But I let anti gay propaganda get to me later on. I know I am not fully gay. But im not fully straight either. I don't know what I am yet. But I am willing to find out and explore myself with no fear. I will admit having many female crushes but as of my current years I have been mainly homosexual for 7 months. I don't know if my gay side has taken over fully or what ever. But all I want is to be free from worry and fear of abandonment from my loved ones. What can I do, once I come out thats it, its finished there is no going back. So what can I do to like having homosexual feelings? I don't know who my lover will be in the future. female or male I need to be brave like you guys. I never thought i would be gay, but I guess i have to face reality. I am accepting the fact I was made this way and am better off rolling with what I have. There are certain parts about our nature that we cannot change. Sure we can change behavior and some habits. But orientation is something thats already installed in us. So what can i do. weather if im bi or gay